so he got her pregnant, now what?

[lovetorn]

i am relating this for my cousin.

she is 17yo and just today morning did she discovered that she's 2 months pregnant. they are not living in sgp and where they're living is quite a small place. small as in an issue that seems minor and very common in sgp is something very major over there. my uncle and aunt are doing a small business and they didnt know that my cousin was pregnant till this morning when their customers bought things from them and asked them. as to how word got out to others, we are not entirely sure yet.

the guy did say that he will take the responsibility but the problem is he is only 20yo without a stable income. i spoke to my cousin and all she said was 'i dont know'. she is still 17 and my mum suggested getting her over to singapore for an abortion and denying it if anyone claims that she's pregnant but again, 'i dont know'. i wont blame her because if it's me, i also wont know what to do. which is why safe sex is really very important. my aunt called up the guy's father and he hung up on her. i am really not with the idea of asking them to get married because it's very unfair.


guys here, what will you do? get married or ask the girl to get an abortion? hopefully some girls with the same experience can share too. thanks.

[pewpew]

Is the guy from rich family?
Is the guy a flirt or is he serious about the relationship?
Is the guy going to marry her?

Marriage at young age are common for some of my friends among me and they are still happily together even until now.

BUT!!! Approval from both family are seriously required and also they support because simple quarrel can break the relationship and it can end up ugly. (Thats y if anything happened, both family have support)

As for Abortion in Singapore, too bad i can't comment because god bless me, until now have not happened to me...

Good luck :D

P.S. Sorry i m not a girl...

[lovetorn]

personally, i have not met the guy before. they are together for less than a year. from what i have got from my aunt, the guy does drugs. so what i can refer from this statement is that, i dont think the guy will be serious about her. which is why i am strongly against them getting married. i am very close to this cousin of mine and i dont wish to see her future to get ruined just because of a baby.

her parents have talked about getting her an abortion but the guy will have to pay for half the expenses, etc airtickets/abortion fees. she cant have the abortion at where she's living as they want to keep it low key. what i am primarily concern is that whether the abortion will affect her health.

thanks for your comments. :)

[DO_I_BJ]

All abortions have risks and it definitely will affect certain aspects of her health.

I seriously recommend ur cousin not to marry that guy if he is a hardcore druggie. and if that guy's dad can be so fucked up. Forget it. I would also recommend she break off with him. really no pt.

[pewpew]

the guy does drugs

U already have the answer:D

[cunt_search]

marriage at young age normally unstable
it depend alot on the maturity of the 2 persons
whether they can see things / work things out together

as for abortion, seek doc advice 1st
study her bio condition; diff pple cannot abort maybe nex time no mo chance..

definitely have to either side parent support..

guy character very imp...
army boy - sign on as regular to support....duh
playboy - definitely forget about him
school kid - forget about him
blur f - forget about him
smoke, drink, girls, whores, - forget about him
education background - finance stabilty (unless only son from rich family)
ur, does drug - all above override!! - drug addict can be abusive and potentially finacial strap n may force gal to upkeep him instead...

[lovetorn]

U already have the answer:D

marriage at young age normally unstable
it depend alot on the maturity of the 2 persons
whether they can see things / work things out together

as for abortion, seek doc advice 1st
study her bio condition; diff pple cannot abort maybe nex time no mo chance..

definitely have to either side parent support..

guy character very imp...
army boy - sign on as regular to support....duh
playboy - definitely forget about him
school kid - forget about him
blur f - forget about him
smoke, drink, girls, whores, - forget about him
education background - finance stabilty (unless only son from rich family)
ur, does drug - all above override!! - drug addict can be abusive and potentially finacial strap n may force gal to upkeep him instead...

i know that someone who does drugs wont be someone you can depend on. but ultimately, the ones around my cousin cant be the ones to make the decision for her. my relatives are thinking whether the guy spiked her drink. it depends on my cousin. i dont know if she wants an abortion or not. she claims that she loves the guy. ok fine but what's love nowadays? and can she guarantee that the guy will love her back indefinitely too. my cousin showed me his photo before. the guy is a school dropout and he is definitely those kind of ah beng with tattoos (no offence).

the decision made by her parents is that they will take her for an abortion. now all they need is her agreement. because if she doesnt want to, they dont want to force her. if she does agree, will most probably bring her for one within next week.

i find that most guys wont go for the option of getting married. because of financial, commitment, bleak future and so on. while most girls will get married because of the baby, fear of abortion.

[speedspeed]

Practise SAFE sex!!!
unplanned preganancies.. can result in alot of troubles and worries, esp in this recessing period!

[Royster79]

better persuade her not to marry him... most shot gun marriage i've seen doesn't have a good ending, especially when both of them are still too young for commitment... :cool:

[lovetorn]

i think case closed.

my cousin decided to go for an abortion, sometime next week. apparently, she still wants to continue her studies. i have told her that a shotgun marriage wont ever be a happy one. because 2 people are getting together because of a baby.

thanks for all the comments/advices. :)

[silverhawk]

i think case closed.

my cousin decided to go for an abortion, sometime next week. apparently, she still wants to continue her studies. i have told her that a shotgun marriage wont ever be a happy one. because 2 people are getting together because of a baby.

thanks for all the comments/advices. :)

guess that's the only way to go and advice her to play it safe next time because she's still young.

[DO_YOU_BJ]

guess that's the only way to go and advice her to play it safe next time because she's still young.

That's why must learn to appreciate, CIM, COF, COB, CIA but never CIP!
That way, wanna shotgun also difficult liao lor

[lovetorn]

she went for the abortion today. she felt terrible. but according to her, she is still in contact with the guy. she is not his first girl but he is her first guy, as in sex. hope that she's once bitten twice shy. now i just hope that the guy doesnt have any STDs.

[Complete]

Safe sex is the best since she is still young.
I've got a friend who got married at 18yo when she found that she was pregnant....one year after the birth, the couple got divorced because of many issues.

Never get together just because of shotgun, chances is that it's never gonna last.

[peanut123]

she went for the abortion today. she felt terrible. but according to her, she is still in contact with the guy. she is not his first girl but he is her first guy, as in sex. hope that she's once bitten twice shy. now i just hope that the guy doesnt have any STDs.

I would advise her to stop all contacts with that idiotic bf ( or ex-bf ) of hers. If he's irresponsible and stupid enough to get women pregnant and even more stupid enough to do drugs, its best not to have anything to do with him. There are many more deserving men out there. Don't make the same mistake twice.

[DO_YOU_BJ]

even more stupid enough to do drugs, its best not to have anything to do with him.

Bro u forgot one very important thing here.
Birds of a feather, flock together!
So just bcos she got preggers, it is really totally the dude to blame??????
Takes 2 hands to clap.
She aint a minor no more, so she cant be that naive tiobo???

[Thai Rak Thai]

Never get together just because of shotgun, chances is that it's never gonna last. true heard more failure than sucess rate sadly

[lovetorn]

I would advise her to stop all contacts with that idiotic bf ( or ex-bf ) of hers. If he's irresponsible and stupid enough to get women pregnant and even more stupid enough to do drugs, its best not to have anything to do with him. There are many more deserving men out there. Don't make the same mistake twice.

i cant make her stop contacting the guy immediately. it takes time for her to completely forget that guy. perhaps can get her preoccupied with other stuffs so that she wont have time to meet him and gradually make them drift apart.

Bro u forgot one very important thing here.
Birds of a feather, flock together!
So just bcos she got preggers, it is really totally the dude to blame??????
Takes 2 hands to clap.
She aint a minor no more, so she cant be that naive tiobo???

i agree. it takes 2 hands to clap and if she doesnt want to have sex with him, he cant force her to. when asked why didnt she ask him to use a condom, her reply was that she didnt know it will be so 'zhun'. just one try and bingo.

no one in the family agrees to her having a shotgun marriage. like what you all have said, a shotgun marriage usually wont last. even a marriage made out of love will end up ugly too, like my parents'. her parents talked of sending her overseas for studies once she finishes her secondary education. but i think sending her overseas is much worse. later she comes back with a baby.

[colins]

When a person is deemed incapable of taking care of himself/herself, you can actually measure these 2 things to determine the future outcome for this person:

1. How the person react when shit happens
2. How concerned parties react when shit happens to the person

lovetorn, are you more worried for your cousin than herself? If concerned parties react stronger than the actual person, he/she won't learn from the incident and everything remains en-route on the same path. In other words, nothing's changed. In fact, she will become irritated at being judged, ordered, restricted, reprimanded, etc and slowly distance from you and her family.

Everybody needs to learn from their own lesson. A NORMAL person will be able to take the lesson and change their life course to avoid further occurence. Some people aren't able to do so. You can actually see that they will soon repeat the very same mistake, right before your eyes. But of cos, the person will refuse to admit.

How to help these people? Hands off. Tell her it is her responsibility, you are only an advisor. Tell her whatever she needs to know to take the responsibilities, nothing else. Then let her come to you if she needs more. Give her 'tools' to see the real face of the bf, let her see whether he can take responsibilities for his own life, much less for hers. At the end of the day, you do not want to stay by her 24/7, so you better teach her to do that for herself.

[JediSkull]

hmmm.... mine's shotgun marriage..... hope it will last unusually........ :p

[lovetorn]

When a person is deemed incapable of taking care of himself/herself, you can actually measure these 2 things to determine the future outcome for this person:

1. How the person react when shit happens
2. How concerned parties react when shit happens to the person

lovetorn, are you more worried for your cousin than herself? If concerned parties react stronger than the actual person, he/she won't learn from the incident and everything remains en-route on the same path. In other words, nothing's changed. In fact, she will become irritated at being judged, ordered, restricted, reprimanded, etc and slowly distance from you and her family.

Everybody needs to learn from their own lesson. A NORMAL person will be able to take the lesson and change their life course to avoid further occurence. Some people aren't able to do so. You can actually see that they will soon repeat the very same mistake, right before your eyes. But of cos, the person will refuse to admit.

How to help these people? Hands off. Tell her it is her responsibility, you are only an advisor. Tell her whatever she needs to know to take the responsibilities, nothing else. Then let her come to you if she needs more. Give her 'tools' to see the real face of the bf, let her see whether he can take responsibilities for his own life, much less for hers. At the end of the day, you do not want to stay by her 24/7, so you better teach her to do that for herself.

i understand. no matter how much we want to help her, if she doesnt want to help herself, then whatever we say/do will be in vain. she did express remorse that she had unprotected sex but as to the pregnant thing, she didnt say much. i dont know what she's thinking. though i really hope that she wont repeat the same mistake and that she learns to protect herself. because she and i are not living together, as in not in sgp together, and i dont usually talk to her on the phone. we only see each other during the festive seasons when i will go back. once we meet, we will be blabbering about everything; etc relationships, life, ups and downs. in the family, i am the only one that clicks really well with her and so my relatives hope that when i go back, i can talk to her and advise her to concentrate on her studies. eventhough i am not that good myself, i hope i can talk her through. :)

hmmm.... mine's shotgun marriage..... hope it will last unusually........ :p

wish you luck to your marriage. :)

[colins]

...i dont know what she's thinking. though i really hope that she wont repeat the same mistake and that she learns to protect herself. because she and i are not living together, as in not in sgp together, and i dont usually talk to her on the phone. we only see each other during the festive seasons when i will go back.


Then I guess you've got to be realistic in the amount of help you can offer. Worst case scenario is every one of your relative thinks you are the mentor then if she repeats her mistake again, you get all the collateral blame. Your cousin din grow up overnight, most of the mistakes we make has to do with our upbringing (when young) and experience (when we get older). Responsibility still lies with herself and her parents. Right now if her bf is the person giving her the greatest influence, she will still crawl back to him after the abortion. The only thing she learnt is to buy condoms.

So in this light, you got to mark a realistic scope for yourself. Once you over stretch yourself, you'll let it affect you. As relative yes we should help. But we must be strong and available to be able to help. Otherwise if we help halfway then give up, to her it is like a betrayal. It'll be even worse to get her back in line from that point onwards.

[Longitude]

The lady is too young to understand what marriage is all about and the guy isnt really the mature and responsible type. The birth of the child will bring more trouble to society when he/she does not have the proper parent to nurture them

[pewpew]

From what i have seen, u have tried to find ways to help out, excuses for her and even solutions, thats the most u can do, now u can only wait for the result which only can be deem by her action.

[geckoSG]

Whether shotgun blues or not, if there is problem, and is not resolved,
a marriage will be broken. Just to urge all those who wanna get married
to think carefully, its a lot of fxxxing committing... Opps... Not sex I meant.

Anyway, hope she grows up eventually, at times abortion may seems evil
thing to do, my wifey had an abortion too. Til today, I felt remorse over the
unborn child.

But, lifes goes on... :o

[lovetorn]

i dont know how she's feeling emotionally about the abortion. well, she changed her handphone number and said that she wont contact the guy again. i hope she can stick to her words.

when something happens to her, my relatives are like hoping i can talk to her, try to understand what is going on then later they will bomb me with questions. it's like they see me as her role model or something.

things are better now. the very next day after her abortion, she actually rode a motorbike to school on her own, to get ready for her new school year. i was quite surprised that she can actually have the energy. now she's back in school and i think she stopped all contact with the guy. hope she can remember that raw sex is very dangerous.

[bepo]

can see u doing wat u can as a "big sista" to help n advice her... as to wat she really wanna change or continue in her old ways... its up to her liao.. whether she has learnt from wat happened n not repeat the same mistake.

[White Tiger]

the girl and boy both still not mature enuff.

if marry for kid, sure end up lots of quarrel and eventually divorce.

maybe la.

unless lots of love and support from family and friends.

[colins]

i dont know how she's feeling emotionally about the abortion. well, she changed her handphone number and said that she wont contact the guy again. i hope she can stick to her words.

when something happens to her, my relatives are like hoping i can talk to her, try to understand what is going on then later they will bomb me with questions. it's like they see me as her role model or something.

things are better now. the very next day after her abortion, she actually rode a motorbike to school on her own, to get ready for her new school year. i was quite surprised that she can actually have the energy. now she's back in school and i think she stopped all contact with the guy. hope she can remember that raw sex is very dangerous.

Among your aunties, you are probably deemed as the only choice. So now that she is better, I believe you should hurry up do the 'handover' of the supervising duty back to them. Tell them you have done your best, she is like this like that now, so now its up to you seniors to hold the leash. But of cos, you still be friend with her as she is still more open to you. End of the day, like you say raw sex is dangerous, but immaturity is fatal. Take care;)

[cablesnwires]

]i cant make her stop contacting the guy immediately. it takes time for her to completely forget that guy. perhaps can get her preoccupied with other stuffs so that she wont have time to meet him and gradually make them drift apart.

Trust me, she WILL contact the guy. She loves him much more than what you think. Remember she gives in to him voluntarily, even to the extend of not protecting herself.

i agree. it takes 2 hands to clap and if she doesnt want to have sex with him, he cant force her to. when asked why didnt she ask him to use a condom, her reply was that she didnt know it will be so 'zhun'. just one try and bingo.

That to me is a lie. She's just trying to give an acceptable excuse.

no one in the family agrees to her having a shotgun marriage. like what you all have said, a shotgun marriage usually wont last. even a marriage made out of love will end up ugly too, like my parents'. her parents talked of sending her overseas for studies once she finishes her secondary education. but i think sending her overseas is much worse. later she comes back with a baby.

Sorry bro lovetorn, forgive my bluntness.

Whatever it is, it is a lose lose situation. Just hope that your cousin make the decision that minimises the suffering at a later stage.

[zhaonan]

If can accept it, get marry!

[yingge]

Be responsible lah!

[haoyunqiqi]

Be a man loh, marry!

[muguamugua]

Marry lah. Or u want to end a unborn life?

[yayatiger]

Like they said, marry her is 1 choice.
If no love than at least look after the kid.

[darrendon]

i am relating this for my cousin.

she is 17yo and just today morning did she discovered that she's 2 months pregnant. they are not living in sgp and where they're living is quite a small place. small as in an issue that seems minor and very common in sgp is something very major over there. my uncle and aunt are doing a small business and they didnt know that my cousin was pregnant till this morning when their customers bought things from them and asked them. as to how word got out to others, we are not entirely sure yet.

the guy did say that he will take the responsibility but the problem is he is only 20yo without a stable income. i spoke to my cousin and all she said was 'i dont know'. she is still 17 and my mum suggested getting her over to singapore for an abortion and denying it if anyone claims that she's pregnant but again, 'i dont know'. i wont blame her because if it's me, i also wont know what to do. which is why safe sex is really very important. my aunt called up the guy's father and he hung up on her. i am really not with the idea of asking them to get married because it's very unfair.


guys here, what will you do? get married or ask the girl to get an abortion? hopefully some girls with the same experience can share too. thanks.


No one can predict what the future is. Whether she will be happy or not in the future, no one will knows. In my opinion, Since the situation is already as it is, just proceed with it and marry the guy if she loves her. If she gets an abortion now, she will be regretful forever and this memory will hunt her for the rest of her life. The foetus is alive and one should be responsible enough to bring him/her to this world since life has been created.

[lovetorn]

well, she already went for the abortion. and when i went back this cny, i found out that she's still in contact with him. she told me about their relationship and i just listened. the elders are asking me if she's still in contact with him and all i said was 'i dont know, she never tell me'.

i know that the right thing to do would be to tell them the truth but my cousin trust me to tell me all those stuffs. she told me that the guy made some comments about the unborn baby which made me very pissed off after hearing.

i cant talk her out of getting involved with him because she's really too deep into him. i just hope that he's serious about her or she can slowly get out of this relationship.

[cablesnwires]

...
i cant talk her out of getting involved with him because she's really too deep into him. i just hope that he's serious about her or she can slowly get out of this relationship.

Sis lovetorn，first welcome back and happy new year. :)

As long as he doesn't change, chances are that she will keep going back to him. She will be ever so tolerant to him, as she is attracted to his character.

My S$0.02.

[alexing]

well, she already went for the abortion. and when i went back this cny, i found out that she's still in contact with him. she told me about their relationship and i just listened. the elders are asking me if she's still in contact with him and all i said was 'i dont know, she never tell me'.

i know that the right thing to do would be to tell them the truth but my cousin trust me to tell me all those stuffs. she told me that the guy made some comments about the unborn baby which made me very pissed off after hearing.

i cant talk her out of getting involved with him because she's really too deep into him. i just hope that he's serious about her or she can slowly get out of this relationship.

an abortion is not an easy case for girls, in mental or physically. do let your aunty know that alot of supplementary is needed for recovery. Hope she get well soon.

guys will never learn a lesson, even though they've made same mistake...just educate your couz that she always keep 1 box with her. if she love him deeply and @ the critical time guys didn't have condom with him. girls will still let him penetrate...for the sake of love..

cheers and hope she get well soon

[Opera]

guys will never learn a lesson, even though they've made same mistake..

More important is, girls need to learn the lesson. Hope she will be getting better and smarter after the incident :p

[kgbkgb]

she went for the abortion today. she felt terrible. but according to her, she is still in contact with the guy. she is not his first girl but he is her first guy, as in sex. hope that she's once bitten twice shy. now i just hope that the guy doesnt have any STDs.

seems like yr cousin hasnt learnt her lesson yet

[NSman]

seems like yr cousin hasnt learnt her lesson yet

young girl 17 - 18, still dont know how to control the lust, time will teach her :p:rolleyes:

[lovetorn]

i wasn't expecting anymore replies since this thread has been inactive for a long time. yes, i understand the need to be responsible for one's action. no doubt, they are still together now. but she's leaving overseas for further studies soon, though she's not the study-material type. as to how will they turn out, i have no idea. and as for their sexual relationship, i think she has learned her lesson of having raw sex. or at least i hope she has.

[Cheonging101]

No idea why some crazy bro go and dig up this thread. School holidays usually have archaeology excursions, issit? :rolleyes:

Anyway, since it's dug up...

marriage at young age normally unstable
it depend alot on the maturity of the 2 persons
whether they can see things / work things out together

as for abortion, seek doc advice 1st
study her bio condition; diff pple cannot abort maybe nex time no mo chance..

definitely have to either side parent support..

guy character very imp...
army boy - sign on as regular to support....duh
playboy - definitely forget about him
school kid - forget about him
blur f - forget about him
smoke, drink, girls, whores, - forget about him
education background - finance stabilty (unless only son from rich family)
ur, does drug - all above override!! - drug addict can be abusive and potentially finacial strap n may force gal to upkeep him instead...

Shit... good thing my chabor don't know except the 1st 2 vices...

[alexing]

haha...i'm the one been zap for digging old tread, but i find it good to share that abortion is needed much care than giving birth~ because most people ignorance will bring lot'f side effect...

this is too another reminder to remind all our bros condom besides prevent any STD, also prevent we bring harms to ladies and poor lil' life that we breed...

happy bonking but don't forget to wear condom~

[squiggle]

1. Never do raw with your partner. No matter how hard the guy can endure. Once you poke into the pussy. You reach heaven. You will shoot no matter what, because too shiok. Even if you manage to pull it out right at that time. Some parts of the sperm might already inside.

2. If the gf who I got it pregnant. While our relationship is stable & lasted for many years already. I can consider marry her. The girl is not bad. Why not? If I got the money.

3. If not. Wait till the baby is born. Then give away to other people or something. If not killing a baby is a sin.

If the parents of the girl is rich. Might consider keeping also. But it might affect the future of the girl & her child. If the girl get to marry with someone else next time. Things like child abuse by step father, people might say your child is a bastard/saying the child mom is a slut or something & etc might occur. Which is really bad :(

4. Really no choice. Abortion :(

My cousin shotgun married with his gf last year. He is 24 years old. Luckily his father has a stable income. If not, good luck to him. Yes, his gf is chio. Anyone will sure shotgun her. If she is your gf lol