Matters in my heart....

[yy0202]

Kind of lost... duno wad to do... hope any bros/sis here can help me out...

Its been 8 yrs since my last relationship....im dun consider my self even an average joe type of guy, but recently exchange alot of smses with a pinoy at my work place (decent 1, not TP kind)... i kinda fallen in love with her, it was her who initiate the conversation everytime.... she seems so caring and all her smses realli touches me (all the "misses n kisses") but when during work, we only maintain a hi and bye relationship...

Our sms exchange is very typical couple type, but whenever i ask to clarify what type of relationship we will develop into, she say just frenz!
i did confess to her that i like her, her response was, she was shocked!

to make things simple, i have a few questions in mind:

1. Why she smsing me all the "couple" type of sms when we r only frens?

2. Should i take a risk to go all out or give it up?

3. What is she really after? i am not rich, nor handsome...

i realli veri fan! its being a long time since this type of problem come up to me... turning 26 yo tml still a newbie in BGR, hope any kind soul could help...
thanks....:(

[HCKing]

think her heart is already with someone else and she really treats u as friend only, all the lovey sms r just passing time when her loved one isnt around 4 her when she is lonely or bored.

[mike1304k]

Hi TS,


I would like to say that not ALL pinoy's, vietnamese, Thais and PRC's are WL or blood suckers. If she is your work-mate, then please do give her that respect.

In so saying, I am not sure what you mean by couple sms but I take it to mean intimate? Please do not forget that she is from another society and that may be how they communicate normally. Maybe it really means nothing. "Hi how are you?" "Good morning" is not couple sms hor... I like you... I miss you are... If it is lewd like.. "What are colour underpants are you wearing now" are a sure sign to ons though.

In thinking of going all out and or fearing that she is up to something, you are already shooting yourself in the foot because it may have been all over nothing. Why not just ask her out, perhaps for lunch, then find out more about her. If she is a great gall and you like her, then go for it. If she is not your type, then move on. Do not like someone just because they show you care and concern, but like someone because you feel comfortable and want her to feel comfortable.

Hope this helps. Cheers mate.

[fee3fow]

Showing care and concern for you doesn't necessary means she love you. She might just treat you to be friend. Agree with what Bro mike1304k have say, you should ask her out for lunch or something and get to know her more and let her know you more. Remember, there is nothing wrong in liking a girl.

[ekemono]

be careful. Dun eat and shit at the same place.
Anyway, if she did not even sms you those "couples" msg, will you fall for her?
8 donkey years is good enough to create deep loneliness.

[colins]

Actually bro yy0202, I say you do stand a chance.

It is common for friends, even closer ones to develop a double relationship 'online' and 'offline'. The reason for so is becos we now use more electronic non-verbal channels to communicate. For example, when we have restricted space for personal relationships to form in our work place, we use sms or msn to chat about non-work related topics with the same colleague.

Problem is, some of us can't read non verbal message very well, have insecurity in facing real relationships or simply can't talk very well. So we tend to rely on non-verbal communication to form another relationship with that person.

My take is, you formed such relationship right from the start and it has got ahead of you. When you come back to real life, your expectations for that closeness is higher. Seeing that she din respond to you as she did in smses, you can get easily confused. It is this confusion that is giving you stress.

To bring it to the next level, I guess you got to breach your own insecurity. She may be trying to get into you too but man you have to take the first move right. If you ask her what is the ultimate end to this, of cos she will say friendship la. Dun expect her to cheapen herself by saying oh I guess I will have to marry you.

Ask her a direct question, something like, if I really want to be your bf, am I on the correct path? Or I really like you, can we start dating? From what I know about pinoys they tend to be more open, so you can just say it out and even if she says lets just be friends, you can actually get a friend rather to be a embarrassed failed suitor everytime you see her.

Bro, save yourself, pop the question. You'll be surprised. ;)

[BlurWolfe]

I have worked with some Pinoys before, and I think its their culture, their way of life. As TS can see that they are generally very friendly, cheerful and happening.

Once they are acquainted with you, you can expect not only those sms you mentioned, but also light peck on cheeks, holding hands when going out... but its normal for them as they also will do it with their own people. They are warmed and dont be surprised some physical contact happening but that does not mean its a relationship.

TS if it has been so long without, and you really interested in the gal, you can start going out with her and see how.

For me, I did the thing I still can remembered, "Dont eat and shit in same workplace". I was 'made' to show my new pinoy lady colleague around and eventually we ended up to where she stayed. Before that she had told me long time without seeing her hubby, and coming here to work so lonely .. ya ya.. So at her new home, I stopped short to go inside 'drink coffee' .

TS try and go out with her, as she sms you the way she is treating you as friend, so dont be shy, also an opportunity for you to brush up the courting techniques.

[yy0202]

Thanx guys!

actually soon after i wrote the above post, she sms me ask me to meet her as she had something to tell me.. its the 1st time that we actually had private time 2gether. ask her out b4, but failed..

with a lot of thoughts in mind on my way there, lots of guesses...

we had a long talk as we walk around the neighbourhood she is staying, we actually sort things out and clarify all the non-verbal communication we had for the past 1 month... to my surprise, she told me she fall for me months ago and only recently she make the 1st move by asking for my contact and started the ever confusing smses...

im overjoyed. this is the best birthday gift i ever get, and also a kiss b4 we parted.:D

now with a unbelieveable mood, im reading the replies the bros posted... thinking that in just 2 hours, my life is changing... btw, im leaving my current company soon, so maybe no chance to eat n shit at the same place...;)

i hope it wont be a short-lived relationship as she is a nice girl based on my 1 1/2 years working with her...

the above bros, pls accept my 5 humble points as my way to say thank u..
(will up 1 at a time, so bro pls be patient)

yy0202
sharing is caring

[yongzhen]

If u think she is a nice gal, than go after her.
Try hinting and asking her out for lunch 1st.
If u think she yet get yr hint, try more direct hints.
If really can't than b direct.
Just remember that even she might not accept u, u all can still b friends.

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Congrats bro on her revealing the truth to you.
I feel you shud consider a few things though before you take this plunge though i'm honestly overjoyed for you.

1st, you've been a lonely guy for quite a while, so for someone of the opposite sex to come to you, most often then not, you'll jump at the opportunity.

Second, is she a PR, shud she not be and one day work permit expires then how?

Thirdly, since she aint a WL, then shud u go for this, learn about her well, meaning not just knowing her, her culture as well. Some cultures allow such SMS's and it isnt meant to be really mean anything. Some cultures are more liberal whereas some are conservative.

Fourthly, congratulations

Fifthly, Gong Xi Fa Cai & Happy Bday dude.........

Upz u for good luck!

[ekemono]

so maybe no chance to eat n shit at the same place...;)


then it shouldn't post much of a problem.
Do understanding you have not mentioned it earlier and it was spoken with your interest at heart. Cheers.

[gambit88]

Bro yy0202,

Its been 8 years since your last serious relationship, please don't jump right into this one.
Really hate to see you crash and burn.

My Advice : Treat it like driving, put on you seat belt first then 1st gear, 2nd gear.... Go slow and don't commit too much of your feelings and $$$ resources at one go.

Good Luck on your new relationship :)

衷心祝福你:新年快乐!幸运之星永远照着你 !!!
Gambit88

[mike1304k]

Yo Bro,

Congrats on the good news. Pinoy ladies once they fall in love will be truthfull and faithfull all the way. I nearly married one many many many moons ago... But it did not go through as family objections sorta threw a spanner into the works. But seriously, you will have to get to know her better. Get to know her culture better too. But do take your time. It took me almost 3 years before I actually allowed myself to let her in. It is only after you understand her well that you will know your future with her.

Also as mentioned in this thread, they are more expressive and also more sensual and sexual than local gers. So you will have to be prepared to see some activity that might make you feel uncomfortable, like her touching or laughing with another male colleague. Do not turn green and start to steam everytime you see that. Sometimes they will be more circumspect when they get into a relationship, but maybe not. But one thing you must never do is to not respect her. The moment you start to think she is slutting around, it will devestate her as she already has to put up with a lot of disapproving stares and ideas from locals. That is the unfortunate problem we have, we segragate people by race or citizenship and to some, all pinoy ladies are WL. And if they one they love also start to think it this way, it will be the biggest blow to them.

Have fun and enjoy and get to know her. Philipinnos are great people and I have a great many frens from there.

[Oralcraz]

Hi TS,
At 26, this is the most enjoyable paktorlogy time of yr life. As long as u feel she is the one for u. Go ahead. Congrats and Best wishes.

[kingcobraa]

Congratulations on your successful rltship!

[fee3fow]

Congratulations TS but as Bro gambit88 point out, dun rush into things and take it one step at a time. Hope things will work out for the both of you :D

[yy0202]

thanks for all suggestion and pointers all bros state out, as bro gambit88 point out, i will treat it like a driving lesson.. 1 step at a time... something that look impossible happen in my life at this time, i will certainly cherish it...

[HCKing]

thanks for all suggestion and pointers all bros state out, as bro gambit88 point out, i will treat it like a driving lesson.. 1 step at a time... something that look impossible happen in my life at this time, i will certainly cherish it...

yes bro, one step at a time, dont put too much feelings in the beginning, let nature takes its course, give both of u a probation period to see if both of u r compactible to one another. if she is yours she will be yours. :)

[aakumu]

Hi bro,
If you are rusty, you should start slow, and go from there.
Girls have a good sense of where you are coming from, if youa are not sure about how she feels ask her, if you do not know how you feels that another story.
8 years is a long time to be empty, could it be you are in need of a ...............?
Anyway, go with the flow.
Best of luck.

My humble two cents.

[yy0202]

hi bros,

its been a while since my last post, had an hectic week, lots of bad things happen, eg.. had a competitor who is close fren of mine, had lots of argument with her and she even do a "test" on me to see if i truthly like her..... so much things happen.... felt veri betrayed but luckily me & her went through the obstacle w/o much problem maybe due to that she like me 1st... realised that real face to face comunication works veri well for me here, its abit difficult due to diff culture background, but we both put in the effort to understand each other to overcome everyhthing

she ask me to go with her on a trip oversea next month... not much prob... just the Val day get me worried, overspending and gambling over cny had make me broke... mayb will jus make a Vday card and flower bah... we both working on that day... no chance to celebrate.... wonder how bros here are like me? prep for Vday with a super tight budget... can share share?

[HCKing]

she ask me to go with her on a trip oversea next month... not much prob... just the Val day get me worried, overspending and gambling over cny had make me broke... mayb will jus make a Vday card and flower bah... we both working on that day... no chance to celebrate.... wonder how bros here are like me? prep for Vday with a super tight budget... can share share?

budget celebration? if u knw hw to cook can try cook some dishes 4 the 2 of u, or do some handmade present 4 her, if going overseas can go somewhere with beach and have a simple picnic there, most importantly, do something that is special 4 her, doesnt necessary need to spend alot of $$ to touch yr gf. its the heart that counts.

[leecs]

Im really happy for you. Do get to know her more before taking the plunge like me. Cheers!!!

[colins]

she ask me to go with her on a trip oversea next month... not much prob... just the Val day get me worried, overspending and gambling over cny had make me broke... mayb will jus make a Vday card and flower bah... we both working on that day... no chance to celebrate.... wonder how bros here are like me? prep for Vday with a super tight budget... can share share?

Use a blank piece of paper from the photocopier, write in small letters

"will you be my girlfriend today?
#1 - Yes
#2 - Only if you send me home"

fold it into half and put it on her table. Since you both working, just offer to send her home from work. The rest up to you ah. ;)

[yy0202]

got some roses to sent to her workplace at val day, she was happy and our relationship has improved... we do what normal couples do like holding hands, kisses except for sex...

any bros here can help me out, im going bangkok wif her next month, but both of us never being there before, can bros here suggests any nice hotels (budget around 60 SGD per night)... any place can visit? going on a weekend,...

[Pikadrian83]

Bro if it's true love, then you must ask her few more times

[archer69]

The last post is 2009. TS any updates? :)