How to deal with a wife whom you are stuck with?

[SinDellman]

I don't know how many brothers here are facing the same problem as me ....
Married to a wife for 20 years. She used to be the perfect wife, but few years ago, after the 1998 financial problems, she became a monster. She now controls all my money, took away all my bank accounts, shares, etc....

Financially we are still ok .... Since I am not so interested in money, I made the mistake of not minding that she took over all the finances.
She is still the best mum to my children, but she is the worst wife one can ever had. She treated the children like kings. I only got some petty cash every month.... and all these I don't really mind, since I dont really spend much.

But I am fed-up ... for the past few years, she has stopped having sex with me. Imagine my frustration .... I am not really one into paid sex but recently enough is enough, I needed to get my supplies outsourced.

It has reached a point that I am telling myself that even if she left me alone, I would be happier :mad:

During the day or in the office, in the eyes of everyone, she is still treating me like her King, but in the bed, she will reject my touching, etc .... wtf.... and the following morning, she is back to so nice to me.

Besides killing myself, how do I enjoy my old age, being stuck with this old maid, which I cant get rid off? :(

Any suggestions before I jump down from 44th floors?

[aces68]

bro, sounds like you are in deep shit. I think you need to strategise your approach.

1. Check if your wife is 'eating' outside. There could only be 1 or 2 reasons why she stopped having sex with you.
2. Talk to your wife about finances. You should control back your own finance. Is your wife working ? If she is, then you can set up joint account for household income and each party contribute an agreed amount monthly to that account.

I think these are the 1sst steps you need to take.

[DO_YOU_BJ]

No offense dude, i can only see 1 prob. YOU!
Yup, you're the prob.
Trust me or not, it's you.
Time to be the pants & not the skirt in the house!!
Do what you want, assert you masculine ego and when you wan it, just take it from her! Remind her that you're her man....show her who's the boss!
If all else fail, U dun be an idiot & jump, throw her out instead and you can invite us all for a grand party! (This part joking)

[ekemono]

Hi TS,

We didn't read what happens to you/her during the 98' that causes a 360 turn on her attitude. Where you risking too much that puts the family in danger?

On the part of being boss of the house, I agreed with bro DYBJ. You are the guy, you have to show your leadership and take control. But..., with the appropriate leadership in the interest of your family.

Attitudes, daily events and communication all sum up to whether you will get love-making tonight by your wifey. You got to review that and made effort to improve if neccessary.

You may just need to open up and talk to her.

[SinDellman]

bro, sounds like you are in deep shit. I think you need to strategise your approach.

1. Check if your wife is 'eating' outside. There could only be 1 or 2 reasons why she stopped having sex with you.
2. Talk to your wife about finances. You should control back your own finance. Is your wife working ? If she is, then you can set up joint account for household income and each party contribute an agreed amount monthly to that account.

I think these are the 1sst steps you need to take.
1. Definitely she is not eating outside because she is either at home with maid or in office "looking" after me .... she just refused to have any discussion on this sex issue, period. :(

2. Lost some investments during the crisis but made up with some good investments and current good business .... so it's not about having $$$ problems ... more like she is now damned greedy about having more $$$ for herself. Her reason is that she needs to save a lot for children oversea studies and expenses.

3. I dont really need a lot of money because everything is being paid by her and the credit cards ..... she just gave me monthly some petty cash and now using all these and some past saving to pay for HC & FJ (about $500 pm).

Like the bros here said, I am telling everyone NEVER to give up the Ministry of Finance post, ever in any household ... that's one big regret.

Everything is fine for me, except that i got a wife who took away all my money and left me with NO sex (I have controlled and NEVER fucked around for so many years, but with the bros help here, i have just started to seek HC & outsourced FJ for relief for the last few months):(

[wodemama]

Bro, have a heart to heart talk with her and find out why she is rejecting ur advances. Or assert ur authority like wad bro DYBJ has said. Probably you treated your wife too well already and now she is taking it for granted, like most other woman. Show them an inch, they want a mile. :mad:

[DO_YOU_BJ]

There's a very thin line between compromise and knowing your place in any matrimonial relationship.
Cross the fine line between either & this is the state that you'll end up in.........
So know your place, and occasionally, remind her of hers.....
That's why occasionally, when i am making love to my wives, i'll just stop everything in the middle of it all and ask
你是谁的？and not and never will be 我是你的
This will lead them to voluntary submission!
That's how a man shud run his stable!!!!!

[Xgenre]

Tell her you have your sexual needs. If she doesn't want to satisfy you, it's considered unreasonable behaviour under the law. Ask her if she will prefer if you outsource the sex. See how she responds. I think she may even raise your allowance so that you got $$$ to go geylang.

[wodemama]

That's why occasionally, when i am making love to my wives, i'll just stop everything in the middle of it all and ask
你是谁的？and not and never will be 我是你的
This will lead them to voluntary submission!
That's how a man shud run his stable!!!!!

Bro, i've lots to learn from you!

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Bro, i've lots to learn from you!

No need to make until so big like i'm blind and no need to say such things.
We're all different in our way of life and how we manage everything around us.

Remember, do not succumb to the environment but let your environment succumb to you.....if you can live like this, you got nottin to learn from me liao.
If you cant live like this, learn how much still will not be able to apply bro

[mebirdie]

Haiz...... What else can you do?

Carefully think about it. Take account of your age and financial status

- What do you actually want?
- Wife, children and self requirements? Which one is the most important

Actually, don't think you can find any true love at your age.
Probably accepting the fate is your final option.
About outsource sex.... hmmm... any family try that before??

Life is miserable. Happy family is difficult to find. Most of them are just compromising to keep the family going.

[slider_72]

Tell her you have your sexual needs. If she doesn't want to satisfy you, it's considered unreasonable behaviour under the law. Ask her if she will prefer if you outsource the sex. See how she responds. I think she may even raise your allowance so that you got $$$ to go geylang.

There is a very interesting line I read somewhere.

A person should ask the spouse whether the spouse thinks sex in the marriage is important. If the spouse's answer is that sex in the marriage is not important, then he/she should not mind if the other half gets it from elsewhere. If the spouse's answer is that sex in the marriage is important, then better make sure your other half is getting enough of it.

[colins]

I think she is still your perfect wife, but she has stopped being your perfect friend. Why dun you try and KC her a bit? Apparently she doesn't trust you anymore and that distrust extends quite far to a personal level (rejects you in bed). What have you done wrong?

[Glock]

But I am fed-up ... for the past few years, she has stopped having sex with me. Imagine my frustration .... I am not really one into paid sex but recently enough is enough, I needed to get my supplies outsourced.
Besides killing myself, how do I enjoy my old age, being stuck with this old maid, which I cant get rid off? :(



some of other give suggestion you must be VERY VERY careful

i agree with aces68. how is she looking? if she not unsexy (still a milf?), then if she dont want you, i think is she getting outside already. get a private investigator

if she cheating on you, take action

whatever you do, DONT TAKE ACTION OUTSIDE FIRST

i have friend,same problem,he frustrated,ask wife face to face,she told him to go fuck prostitutes.so he did.then she sue him for divorce.

if she dont have sex with you is enough for you to get divorce.if she say she close one eye let you fuck outside,BE VERY CAREFUL SHE REALLY MEAN IT

because i think my friend lawyer tell him even if she put down in black and white "my husband can fuck prostitutes",if he actually do it,she can still sue for divorce and is his fault.

married 20 years,she will take your house,she will take your kids,she can fuck outside, but so long as she not married her new "boyfriend" you will keep paying maintence.

[ekemono]

That's why occasionally, when i am making love to my wives, i'll just stop everything in the middle of it all and ask
你是谁的?and not and never will be 我是你的
This will lead them to voluntary submission!
That's how a man shud run his stable!!!!!

I do that too. I tell her she belongs to me forever...:D

[maninsinsha]

But I am fed-up ... for the past few years, she has stopped having sex with me.

During the day or in the office, in the eyes of everyone, she is still treating me like her King, but in the bed, she will reject my touching, etc .... wtf.... and the following morning, she is back to so nice to me.



I have read through the postings and maybe one of the aspect you could look at is the biological part of your wife. I don't know how old is your wife but if you have been married for 20 years, I would presume that both your wife and you should be late 40s or early 50s. is your wife going through a menopause?? I have known of women who goes through menopause at the age of mid 40s and it is not a pleasant phase in their life.

Have a talk with your wife to find out.....

[Wooden_Handle]

I concurred with this very much.

Happy family only can be found on TV.


Life is miserable. Happy family is difficult to find. Most of them are just compromising to keep the family going.

[Wooden_Handle]

I think may be or may be not menopause, but the woman may be influenced by their friends/relatives to take 'control' of everything the guy does. So firstly is to control the $$$ in the guys pocket, thats why is 'dangerous ' to let them know how much we earned every month.

FYI, guys also have men-o-pause.

I have known of women who goes through menopause at the age of mid 40s and it is not a pleasant phase in their life.

[cheongsan]

Besides killing myself, how do I enjoy my old age, being stuck with this old maid, which I cant get rid off? :(

Any suggestions before I jump down from 44th floors?

Thank you for your candid sharing. Your thread has made me more convinced that I am on the right track of staying single and making plans for the day where I am old, alone and sickly but yet still not regretting my choice of staying single.

[s1.w3n.b41.l31]

disagree a little with some bros here..

it's ok with letting the wifey manage your finances. It's good, in fact.. since the work of balancing accounts, settling bills are actually taken care of. Less headache for you, bros. Furthermore, doing so let's your wife feel secure, in that she can make sure the needs of the family are taken care of.

The catch here, is that don't let her have everything. It is best to keep a portion of your own paycheck for your own use, and then let the wife have the rest. Without knowledge of your full paycheck, she can't tell how much you have stashed away. But since you are already giving her the rest (tell her that's about everything left after cpf), she will not question you unless you suddenly make a big purchase with money that she didn't know you had. I guess with bros here, the money will be spent where the wife will not and cannot know, so you're safe in that aspect.

I'm sure there are more experienced bros here, no offense if i disagreed with you.. the above is just my 2cts on the matter.

[Wooden_Handle]

Of cos Bro, good point.

It is much better to let her do some work esp when paying the bills, but there is GIRO, even as I travel about 50% of time I do all the bills myself.

Honestly it is very dangerous to let wifey, gf, and WL see your payslip, you never know what they have in mind in the cut-throat session, 'either the diamond or me'


it's ok with letting the wifey manage your finances. It's good, in fact.. since the work of balancing accounts, settling bills are actually taken care of.

your full paycheck

[Royster79]

IMO, the best way to control wife is to control the finance first... it may sound too realistic, but hey, its money that makes the world go round and round... Thats y when u get rich, gals will flock to u... Same for the wife, once u control and have $$, they will listen to u, cling to u more and love u more.. ( unless she herself is also a big earner )

Gals generally possess greed in them.. When they have nothing much, they will not bother too much... but once they started to have more, their greed also starts to grow..:)

[wodemama]

IMO, the best way to control wife is to control the finance first... it may sound too realistic, but hey, its money that makes the world go round and round... Thats y when u get rich, gals will flock to u... Same for the wife, once u control and have $$, they will listen to u, cling to u more and love u more.. ( unless she herself is also a big earner )

Gals generally possess greed in them.. When they have nothing much, they will not bother too much... but once they started to have more, their greed also starts to grow..:)

bro, i think it boils down to the individual. No doubt man is greedy by nature but i feel if there really is true love then i think money should not be the main factor here even though it is important.

[Royster79]

bro, i think it boils down to the individual. No doubt man is greedy by nature but i feel if there really is true love then i think money should not be the main factor here even though it is important.

Almost all couple marry becoz of true love...But after years down the road, the realistic world kicks in... Thats y the divorce rate is so high nowadays..

I am not saying that u r wrong coz there is no ultimate yes/no/solution to this problem.. But with $$, u can definitely minimise the problem

With $$, u can bring her go for tour, buy present every now and then, give her surprise, treat her good food and also give her nice environment.. All these activity confirm can enhance the relationship or even bring it to a higher level..

Without $$, both of u got not much programme ( especially in SG ) and would mostly stay at home.. If $$ not enough, quarrel will starts to kick in and eventually, creating more problems.. Then as day goes by, u will find it harder to face
each other and start to feel sian.. All these will worsen the relation

From my circle of frends, i do see poorer couple got more quarrel/problem then the richer ones....

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Funny thing here is, where's the originator of this thread?

[daydevil89]

Funny thing here is, where's the originator of this thread?

Too many opinion liao.... TS confused... maybe already jump!!! :eek:

[rolex4567]

I will give practical advise.

Family is important. So take care of them.

Take control of your finnaces, if not completely then partially. Do it by hook or crook.

And then enjoy the life. Be it regular outsourcing or whatever. Life is always act to balancing.

Cheers!!!
Raj

[SinDellman]

Too many opinion liao.... TS confused... maybe already jump!!! :eek:
haha ... not really jumping out. Have been following the thread and "listening" to the bros advices here.
But a bit confused with the system here ... have written replied but after messages scanned by Mods, my reply never appeared at the thread :confused:
Not sure whether the contents didnt passed the censure or what?

[aces68]

haha ... not really jumping out. Have been following the thread and "listening" to the bros advices here.
But a bit confused with the system here ... have written replied but after messages scanned by Mods, my reply never appeared at the thread :confused:
Not sure whether the contents didnt passed the censure or what?

If I am not wrong, you reply will appear according to the time which you submitted the reply online. Sometimes the MOD may approve the posting later (say 1 day later), however in the thread, your reply will appear as a posting of 1 day earlier, so it will appear before the most recent posting in the thread.

So, if you scan back the previous pages, you may be able to see your posting.

Sounds confusing, but hope you get the idea.

[wodemama]

FYI, guys also have men-o-pause.

Yup, and the correct name for this symptom is known as andropause! :D

[warbird]

I don't know how many brothers here are facing the same problem as me ....
Married to a wife for 20 years. She used to be the perfect wife, but few years ago, after the 1998 financial problems, she became a monster. She now controls all my money, took away all my bank accounts, shares, etc....

But I am fed-up ... for the past few years, she has stopped having sex with me. Imagine my frustration .... I am not really one into paid sex but recently enough is enough, I needed to get my supplies outsourced.

Any suggestions before I jump down from 44th floors?

If ur wife has refused to hv sex w/ u for the past few yrs, there ar only 2 possibilities:

1) She has completely lost interest in sex (not uncommon after multiple child births or menopause) AND she doesn't love u. If she still loves u she would want to hv sex w/ u, even though she neither hv desire for nor enjoy sex. :(

2) She has a secret lover outside AND she doesn't love u. :mad:

You must 1) regain control of ur money n 2) hire a PI to find out if she has a secret lover.

Your problem is not uncommon, so don't feel bad. Take action now. :cool:

Good luck!

[SinDellman]

If ur wife has refused to hv sex w/ u for the past few yrs, there ar only 2 possibilities:

1) She has completely lost interest in sex (not uncommon after multiple child births or menopause) AND she doesn't love u. If she still loves u she would want to hv sex w/ u, even though she neither hv desire for nor enjoy sex.

2) She has a secret lover outside AND she doesn't love u.

You must 1) regain control of ur money n 2) hire a PI to find out if she has a secret lover.

Your problem is not uncommon, so don't feel bad. Take action now.

Good luck!
The possibility is like what bros here are saying ... it should be menopause ...
Don't think it got anything to do with loving me lesser, etc or even having bf .... coz like I said, practically she is almost always in the office or at home with the maid, etc....

It's would be very very costly to her if she is unfaithful to me coz she still depend on me to make all the monies for her in the company.... and I would be better off financially if we even divorce, since currently I have got nothing now :mad:

Recently i started to cheong HC and once in a while outsourced the FJ ... i am feeling much better now and life is more "satisfying" :D
So as long as I dont start to keep a gf or got any disease from the girls I think i am doing ok ....

[warbird]

The possibility is like what bros here are saying ... it should be menopause ...

Don't think it got anything to do with loving me lesser, etc or even having bf .... coz like I said, practically she is almost always in the office or at home with the maid, etc....

It's would be very very costly to her if she is unfaithful to me coz she still depend on me to make all the monies for her in the company....

Recently i started to cheong HC and once in a while outsourced the FJ ... i am feeling much better now and life is more "satisfying" :D
So as long as I dont start to keep a gf or got any disease from the girls I think i am doing ok ....

OK, menopause is the reason why she shuns sexual intercourse. But if she still loves u, she would want to be intimate w/ u, like kissing n fondling, etc. And she can still give u pleasure by HJ and/or BJ. Is that too much to expect from a loving wife?

One solution is to "outsource" the FJ like what u hv been doing...just fxxk n forget n protect urself. :cool: And don't get caught!

Good luck!

[sentuers]

sinDellman
solution... castration... you are not going to get sex and you are not acting like a man anyway...

seriously bro, you need to assert yourself.

If she is holding on to the finance of the company but you are the one running it, start another company and take full control, if that is possible.

there are bullies and there are those who asked to be bullied...

you are being bullied.

[yang punk]

You're married for 20 years and you still want to fuck your wife?:eek: She must be one hellova milf!

Joke aside I think its time you put your foot down and have a frank talk with her...show her who needs who more!

You're a man (hope you still are!) and still not too old to be impotent! So you still have your needs...if she doesn't accommodate you then you have no choice but to look elsewhere! Tell her that!

It is ridiculous that she can control all your company's (assuming its your own business) money and your bank accounts! I think its time that you wrest back some of that control. If she don't comply tell her why should you bother to work?

Don't let US men down!!!

[SinDellman]

You're married for 20 years and you still want to fuck your wife?:eek: She must be one hellova milf!

Joke aside I think its time you put your foot down and have a frank talk with her...show her who needs who more!

You're a man (hope you still are!) and still not too old to be impotent! So you still have your needs...if she doesn't accommodate you then you have no choice but to look elsewhere! Tell her that!

It is ridiculous that she can control all your company's (assuming its your own business) money and your bank accounts! I think its time that you wrest back some of that control. If she don't comply tell her why should you bother to work?

Don't let US men down!!!
It's easier to say than to act ...

The thing is that I am a simple person .... i dont like to demand things from ppl, i live simply, and i also have this habit of helping ppl. I dont spend a lot and i like to work hard coz i love my work.

However what is frustrating in the long run is that the 3 things that are important to me from a wife were not met - highest respect, financial and sex - that's why i am complaining.

Don't really care to have/need too much money for myself, but sometimes she hurt me a lot by always putting my importance behind her children and her rich brothers (not sisters) ... but i still take all the nonsence coz i also love my children too.

Her attitude has changed me too, now i care less on my work results, instead i work because of my love for my job ... without too particulars about the fine details, which is, in a way good for my health coz i dont feel stress anymore.

anyway, been in the older generation, it's very hard to bring some matters out, and also she is not the type to discuss about sex. During normal times, she is also trying to be loving but physically keeping a small distance (never know the reason) ... i guess it'll be let's wait and see situation for me .... wish me luck. :o

[peanut123]

Of cos Bro, good point.
Honestly it is very dangerous to let wifey, gf, and WL see your payslip, you never know what they have in mind in the cut-throat session, 'either the diamond or me'

If its a GF giving me that "diamond or me" ultimatum, I'll know she's not the girl for me. If its the wife, well, I think you'll have to show her that you are not a pushover, otherwise there will be no end to this nonsense. Really, a woman who does this is not worthy of love and respect.

[peanut123]

SinDellman, what I'm going to say might be harsh, but I think it reflects your situation, so its better for me to be outright.

Have you heard of the saying "you get the treatment (or ill-treatment) you deserve" ?? What it means is very simple : if you put up with crap, you will get crap. If you fight for your rights, people will stop giving you crap.

By being a "simple, non-demanding" person, you are saying to everyone, including your wife, that you are a pushover.

By taking her "nonsense" as you say, you are signalling that you have no spine.

And by adopting "wait and see" attitude instead of attacking the problem, you are signalling that you are being passive.

By not caring about your work quality, you are signalling that you are irresponsible, despite your presumably high position.

Tell me, why would a woman, especially a strong woman, give respect, sex and financial control to a spineless passive irresponsible pushover ??? Sorry if I sound harsh, but thats the fact of the matter. I can understand if she even feels repulsed about having sex with a weakling. Women want a strong man to give her security. I sincerely doubt she feels any security with you.

So, show that you are a real man. Take charge and earn her respect. Or forever live in her shadow and whine in this forum.

Good luck.

It's easier to say than to act ...

The thing is that I am a simple person .... i dont like to demand things from ppl, i live simply, and i also have this habit of helping ppl. I dont spend a lot and i like to work hard coz i love my work.

However what is frustrating in the long run is that the 3 things that are important to me from a wife were not met - highest respect, financial and sex - that's why i am complaining.

Don't really care to have/need too much money for myself, but sometimes she hurt me a lot by always putting my importance behind her children and her rich brothers (not sisters) ... but i still take all the nonsence coz i also love my children too.

Her attitude has changed me too, now i care less on my work results, instead i work because of my love for my job ... without too particulars about the fine details, which is, in a way good for my health coz i dont feel stress anymore.

anyway, been in the older generation, it's very hard to bring some matters out, and also she is not the type to discuss about sex. During normal times, she is also trying to be loving but physically keeping a small distance (never know the reason) ... i guess it'll be let's wait and see situation for me .... wish me luck. :o

[goodfun]

some of other give suggestion you must be VERY VERY careful

married 20 years,she will take your house,she will take your kids,she can fuck outside, but so long as she not married her new "boyfriend" you will keep paying maintence.
hi bro wat if my wife is a non PR or PR,do i still have to pay her maintence if it is her mistake?:confused:

[cablesnwires]

To the original poster,

I do agree, she very well might be suffering from menopause. HOWEVER, that is not the end of the story. What she sees herself changing, she does not see you changing, and that she's losing her faith not just you, but also herself. Her self esteem right now should be very low.

Perhaps by refusing to have sex, she thinks that you will also go through the menopause together with her. And by controlling the finances, that gave you little or no opportunities to have flings outside.

What need to be done will be entirely up to you. There are quite a few things which you can do. From the looks of it, your life is pretty routine and rather monotonous. Do something that can surprises her, talk to her and reassure her about your love for her. Plan a short holiday, need not be expensive, perhaps a trip to Cameron Highlands, Genting, Bali... etc. If that is expensive, you can always secretly do up your wedding album, your kids photos, etc. Most important is to open up a communication channel between the 2 of you.

You need to rekindle the lost flame in your love life. If all else fails, objectively suggest to her that the 2 of you go for some counselling.

Hope the above helps. :)

[djamel]

I agree with what aces68 posted. ;)